What did you have to shut down about yourself just to get through childhood — and are you still carrying that? In this episode, Travis sits down with Chris Tompkins, licensed marriage and family therapist and author of Raising LGBTQ Allies, for a conversation about what gay men absorb growing up in a world that wasn't built for them — and the long, real work of coming back to themselves. Chris shares his own story of performing straightness through college — fraternities, girlfriends, and drinking as a way to manage a nervous system that never felt safe. He talks about the unconscious process of introjection, how we absorb other people's beliefs about who we are before we even have words for it, and how a single offhand comment from his mother became a contract he carried for decades. He also opens up about distance regulation as a coping strategy, the moment his nephew's question changed everything, and a recent experience of structural homophobia at Psychology Today that he was sharing publicly for the first time. The conversation also touches on Chris's upcoming book, Becoming Worthy, a guide specifically for gay men on the path to full self-integration. Chris Tompkins is a licensed marriage and family therapist based in California, specializing in work with gay men and couples. His areas of focus include religious trauma, self-esteem, sobriety, and identity. He is the author of Raising LGBTQ Allies: A Parent's Guide to Changing the Messages from the Playground, and writes a column for Psychology Today called LGBTQ Affirmative Psychology.
Connect with Chris Tompkins:
Instagram @ARoadTripToLove
Find Travis:
Instagram: @travers03
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